April 13, 2010

Lately I've been doing this crazy stuff not caring what will be the consequences. I smashed my head onto a tree, like I did so many times before, knowing I'll take another bruise that I thought would be worth it. I pushed my limits towards some dead end. I made my decisions based on what other people said. I usually don't do that and now I figured out why. I got inspired by Diana to write this now and I hope it will help me as much as I expect. Because I figured that I have inside me everything I need to be happy. I know what my expectations in life are. I know where I come from and where I'm heading towards. I'm also extremely unjustified stubborn and I put up with this stupid game to get something I don't even want or need. I proved to myself so many times before that I can achieve anything I want or at least the things I actually need in my life. I'm an ensamvarg by choice, it's something I built over the years, it's my personal charm and lately I seem to have tried my best to make this fade out. I tried to be something I'm not and something I don't even want to be. I made myself look bad for a caprice. I wasn't able to control myself or I should better say I didn't want to. I seem to have forgotten for a moment just how gifted I am. For example I was blessed with the best friends I could ever find. I wanted to appear as something that I'm not, not taking into consideration the fact that so many people want me and love me for what I am. They should be the only ones worth while. And they are! All the other falling leaves will be taken away by the same wind that brought them. They will soon be dead to me.
I neglected my work, the most important thing in my life ever. I seem to have forgotten just how much pleasure my work brings to me. I overlooked the fact that lately, the only thing that made me indeed extremely happy was my work. I could never give this up no matter what. It's up to me to build my future and also choose what it will be. And long ago I chose my work. And I'm sure I made the best choice.

Who cares about me? I do and that's all that matters!