October 26, 2013

There has been a time when I used to think song lyrics held most of the answers to all the complicated situations I was facing. Meanwhile, high school keeps calling asking for its drama back. Whatever, it can have it (but not just immediately). Somehow I have been left to deal with a sort of issues, nothing I haven't already experienced, but in a completely different manner this time. Technically, this means I kind of grew up and started seeing things through different perspective, but on the other hand... Everything is the same, but everything changed. I must notice (and I think I need to thank God for that), I don't feel the excruciating pain that tore me apart in the past. 

The issues these days are in fact difficult to deal with, but somehow they don't hurt as much as before, even though I still have no clue of how to figure things out. Seems that I'm never gonna be good with people and what bothers me the most is not being able to solve some of my problems on my own. I hate asking for help, I hate owing favors to others. I keep acting impulsively, I keep making the wrong (very wrong) choices and decisions... and I seem to have lost the notions of good and bad. 

I feel like I'm stuck again. I know I'm gonna go past this, but it does cost me a lot of trouble. I look at the people around me...and, by society rules, I need to find individuals to interact with. But what if I don't like any of the people currently around me? They don't like me either, but I don't care. Most important thing is I learn to like who I am. Yes, about that... it might take a while, because first I might need to define who I am. The places I'm in right now don't help much. I hate to be forced to be defined from the perspective of those currently surrounding me. It's mostly people that force my to have a negative attitude (and boy, am I good at that or what?). I am trying in fact to find a way to escape some of these places, but that's pretty hard to do right now. So, I'm stuck for the moment. Hopefully, I'm not changing my current location for an asylum.