December 29, 2013

The post break-up coffee is always bitter than usual

I'm about to have the worst coffee in the last 4 or 5 years. The post break-up coffee. I felt cold, I felt like as if my flesh was ready to leave my bones... My heart suddenly turned into this heavy rock and started to press against. So this is what it feels like when you realize you cared about someone right after they slam the door. The thing now is that I don't know what hurts the most: the failure, the lies, the loneliness or just the loss. The butterflies sure turn into a zoo when you have to see him everyday after that. Knowing you're stuffed with feelings for him (some of which you never felt before) and that somewhere above he feels nothing for you. Sometimes it's the failure. But not this time. With all that he's taught me over the past year I know he's gonna turn into another wrinkle on my face, another heavy memory to bear where I can see it. I will remember him every time I look in the mirror...and I will see him laughing. It wasn't supposed to hurt like this when I'm used to learning the hard way. It was about making our demons learn to play nice with those of the other. But we failed.